[Everyone] Re: IMPORTANT Fwd: Re: Internet Week

Paul
Tue Nov 9 12:34:04 GMT 2010


Cat,

Whilst you were away you missed the compulsory lunchtime lecture ‘An email with too many capital letters can make the person who receives it feel anxious’. Basically it was about how an email with too many capital letters can make the person who receives it feel anxious. Please be more sensitive about this. Since you have been away, Pretend Office has become a leader in ‘sensitivity’ thanks mostly to Phil’s SNP motto: ‘be sensitive’. 

I’m going to Wellness now for a lie down. When I feel stronger this afternoon I shall address the issue of your CREDS, for which I have been on the waiting list for over two years.

Good day to you.                                                                                                                  

 

Paul RISK IMPORTANT (TM pending)

 

From:   On Behalf Of Cat
Sent: 09 November 2010 10:41
To: Everyone in the office
Subject: [Everyone] Re: IMPORTANT Fwd: Re: Internet Week

 

Paul,

 

Important/IMPORTANT is not case sensitive. Your lack of importance/IMPORTANCE is non-negotiable. Please remove all references of importance/IMPORTANCE from your emailings correspondence forthwith immediate effectiveness.

 

And I think you will find that I am fully up to date and in accordance with the new fast moving policies of super pretend office - my prosthetics have been augmented with CREDS (cybernetic roller enhanced devices). Catch me if you can!

 

Cat

VPHS Legal Eagles. Floor 17

  _____  

From: Paul 
To: Everyone in the office 
Sent: Tuesday, November 9, 2010 10:26:58
Subject: [Everyone] Re: IMPORTANT Fwd: Re: Internet Week

Cat,

Welcome back! I hope you enjoyed your year off. Please stop me to say hi if I pass you as I hear I probably won’t recognise you.

Re. Your email. I know I’m not ‘important’. This is the reason the trademark is capitals only! I’m using ‘IMPORTANT’.

I understand it may take you a while to find your feet again here (No pun intended) but since you’ve been away, Phil has changed the company into a ‘fast moving’ one. His new motto ‘Keep Up or F*** Up’ has been really motivational and keeps us on our toes (no pun intended).

All the very best.

Paul RISK IMPORTANT (Capitals only)

 

From:   On Behalf Of Cat
Sent: 08 November 2010 15:55
To: Everyone in the office
Subject: [Everyone] Re: IMPORTANT Fwd: Re: Internet Week

 

Paul,

 

Vis a vis your trademarking of 'IMPORTANT' please be advised that you are not important and therefore legally, you are in breach of trademark rulings 22a, 77b and 303rtz and of pretend office heirarchical structure memo points 1 - 99c. Please remove IMPORTANT from all RISK documentation immediately.

 

On another point - please will all staff be reminded that in line with new random public legislation, the usage of uplifting, motivating, or otherwise, "quotates" by public or private personages without prior approval and appropriate renumeration of said personage is in breach of copyright. Thusly please will all staff remove all representation of such "quotates" from the bottom of any messages outgoing into the internet.

 

Thankyou for your assistance on these matters,

Cat

VPHS Legal Eagles. Floor 17.

 

  _____  

From: Paul 
To: Everyone in the office 
Sent: Monday, November 8, 2010 12:08:18
Subject: [Everyone] Re: IMPORTANT Fwd: Re: Internet Week

Phil,
Did you send this email before or after I registered IMPORTANT as a
Trademark?

Legal,
What's my position on this?

Paul RISK IMPORTANT (insert Trademark symbol here)


-----Original Message-----
From: 
 On Behalf Of Phil
Sent: 08 November 2010 11:45
To: Everyone in the office
Subject: [Everyone] Re: IMPORTANT Fwd: Re: Internet Week

Hi Giles,

I received this by mistake, not Eve. You must have addressed it wrongly. I
have nothing to do with Eve and barely know her really.

I am sending your e-mail back to you so you can try again sending it to Eve
again.

Thankyou.


On 8 Nov, 2010, at 11:33, Giles wrote:

> Eve,
> 
> Please can you ask Paul not to use the IMPORTANT word in email
> subjects, because that's reserved for CorpExec use only, and improper
> use may result in messages being un-filed or mis-answered. I'm sending
> this directly to you, rather than to the Everyone address, to make
> sure that nothing weird happens as Paul warned in his previous message
> previously.
> 
> Kind regards
> 
> Giles
> Client-Vision Liaison Officer (Solutions)
> 
> 
> ---------- Forwarded message ----------
> From: Paul 
> Date: 8 November 2010 11:15
> Subject: [Everyone]  Re: Internet Week
> To: Everyone in the office 
> 
> 
> ***This is an automated reply from RISK***
> 
> Thank you for your very interesting email. Unfortunately RISK is unable to
> cope with the large number of messages being received at present so we
have
> set out computer to delete everything until things calm down a bit. If
your
> email is really important, please put IMPORTANT in the subject bit at the
> top.
> 
> ***Please do not reply to this reply as something weird might happen. You
> know, going back a forth and stuff. A bit like coming across yourself in
the
> future and blowing up***
> 
> Paul RISK
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: 
>  On Behalf Of Giles
> Turnbull
> Sent: 08 November 2010 10:54
> To: Everyone in the office
> Subject: [Everyone] Re: Internet Week
> 
> Further to Phil's useful information about Internet Week, please note
> that this week, during Internet Week, the Client-Vision team will be
> unveiling the new Pretend Office Facebook Website. From the Facebook,
> you will be able to post your own team "blogs" and invite other
> members of Pretend to attend Virtual Meetings, which we believe will
> be a first for any company in our sector in this particular postcode.
> 
> If you are invited to a Virtual Meeting on the Pretend Facebook,
> please note attendance is compulsory at the specified meeting time.
> 
> As an added bonus, the Pretend Facebook will be available throughout
> Internet Week, since it will not be affected by loss of access to the
> internet because it is on Facebook.
> 
> Kind regards
> 
> Giles
> Client-Vision Liaison Officer (Solutions)
> 
> 
> 
> On 8 November 2010 10:42, Phil  wrote:
> foreward-thining company we will be doing everything we can do to promote
> this modern marvel!
> rolling out of network upgrading, which will mean the Internet will be
> unavailable for every department at some point this week. Please consult
the
> schedule on the internal Intranet to see when the Internet will be
unaviable
> to you.
> Cher
> solely for the use of the individual to whom it is addressed. Any views or
> opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily
> represent those of Pretend Office.
take
> any action based upon its contents, nor copy or show it to anyone.
> error.
> _______________________________________________
> Everyone mailing list
> 
> http://www.pretendoffice.co.uk/
> 
> --
> This email and any attachments to it may be confidential and are intended
> solely for the use of the individual to whom it is addressed. Any views or
> opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily
> represent those of Pretend Office.
> If you are not the intended recipient of this email, you must neither take
> any action based upon its contents, nor copy or show it to anyone.
> Please contact the sender if you believe you have received this email in
> error.
> 
> _______________________________________________
> Everyone mailing list
> 
> http://www.pretendoffice.co.uk/
> 
> --
> This email and any attachments to it may be confidential and are
> intended solely for the use of the individual to whom it is addressed.
> Any views or opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do
> not necessarily represent those of Pretend Office.
> If you are not the intended recipient of this email, you must neither
> take any action based upon its contents, nor copy or show it to
> anyone.
> Please contact the sender if you believe you have received this email in
error.
> _______________________________________________
> Everyone mailing list
> 
> http://www.pretendoffice.co.uk/
> 
> --
> This email and any attachments to it may be confidential and are intended
solely for the use of the individual to whom it is addressed. Any views or
opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily
represent those of Pretend Office.
> If you are not the intended recipient of this email, you must neither take
any action based upon its contents, nor copy or show it to anyone.
> Please contact the sender if you believe you have received this email in
error.



-- 
Phil BA(Hons)
VVP of Visioning Management and Corporate Resourcing
http//:www.pretendoffice.co.uk
tel: +44 (0)20 7946 0372
mob(ile): +44 (0)7700 900837

"If you really want something you can figure out how to make it happen."
Cher

_______________________________________________
Everyone mailing list

http://www.pretendoffice.co.uk/

--
This email and any attachments to it may be confidential and are intended
solely for the use of the individual to whom it is addressed. Any views or
opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily
represent those of Pretend Office.
If you are not the intended recipient of this email, you must neither take
any action based upon its contents, nor copy or show it to anyone.
Please contact the sender if you believe you have received this email in
error.

_______________________________________________
Everyone mailing list

http://www.pretendoffice.co.uk/

--
This email and any attachments to it may be confidential and are intended solely for the use of the individual to whom it is addressed. Any views or opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of Pretend Office.
If you are not the intended recipient of this email, you must neither take any action based upon its contents, nor copy or show it to anyone.
Please contact the sender if you believe you have received this email in error.

 

 

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