[Everyone] Re: New employee Welcome Pack

Tue Nov 3 10:57:01 GMT 2009

Hi Giles,
Plenty of Mr Health and Mr Safety pack available - In garage 5 - pls help

-----Original Message-----
 On Behalf Of Giles
Sent: 02 November 2009 09:18
To: Everyone in the office
Subject: [Everyone] New employee Welcome Pack

Fellow practitioners-of-excellence,

CorpExec wishes to action an Employee Welcome Pack which can be used
to welcome new employees to the company. Now that we are seeing the
Green Shots of Recovery in the economy, it is time to re-configure our
abandoned projects and re-focus on Profit!

That will be our new slogan of the week: "Re-focus on Profit!"

We will be taking on new staff in the forthcoming weeks, and they need
to be welcomed appropriately.

Employee Welcome Packs will contain:

- a map of the Pretend office complex (leaving out Sector 12 and the
Waste Processing Plant, for obvious reasons)
- another map showing locations of coffee machines, toilets, and
Welcome Pack Recycling bins
- an electronic locker key (we are still awaiting delivery of the
lockers - yes, I know these have been pending since 1996. Apparently
there is an ongoing problem with a printer which has held things up a
- a balloon bearing the phrase "Pretending to all your client needs
since 1983" on it
- a squeezy "HUG ME" Pretend Office slug mascot toy
- a biro
- a post-it note with the new employee's Employee ID number, Employee
Security Logon, Employee Personnel DNA Fingerprint Code, and building
access codes (sectors 1 through 11, for obvious reasons)

There is still room in the Welcome Packs for some other items, and
I've no doubt that some of you (especially Department Heads!) will be
keen to have some input. Please make your suggestions known as soon as

There will be a fire Drill today at 12 noon (noon).

Kind regards

Executive Account Executive (Level 4)
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