[Everyone] Re: New employee Welcome Pack

Mon Nov 2 10:09:26 GMT 2009

Hi all,

Giles, are the squeezy "HUG ME" slugs the ones that had to be recalled  
from sale in India, or are they new?


On 2 Nov, 2009, at 09:17, Giles wrote:

> Fellow practitioners-of-excellence,
> CorpExec wishes to action an Employee Welcome Pack which can be used
> to welcome new employees to the company. Now that we are seeing the
> Green Shots of Recovery in the economy, it is time to re-configure our
> abandoned projects and re-focus on Profit!
> That will be our new slogan of the week: "Re-focus on Profit!"
> We will be taking on new staff in the forthcoming weeks, and they need
> to be welcomed appropriately.
> Employee Welcome Packs will contain:
> - a map of the Pretend office complex (leaving out Sector 12 and the
> Waste Processing Plant, for obvious reasons)
> - another map showing locations of coffee machines, toilets, and
> Welcome Pack Recycling bins
> - an electronic locker key (we are still awaiting delivery of the
> lockers - yes, I know these have been pending since 1996. Apparently
> there is an ongoing problem with a printer which has held things up a
> little.)
> - a balloon bearing the phrase "Pretending to all your client needs
> since 1983" on it
> - a squeezy "HUG ME" Pretend Office slug mascot toy
> - a biro
> - a post-it note with the new employee's Employee ID number, Employee
> Security Logon, Employee Personnel DNA Fingerprint Code, and building
> access codes (sectors 1 through 11, for obvious reasons)
> There is still room in the Welcome Packs for some other items, and
> I've no doubt that some of you (especially Department Heads!) will be
> keen to have some input. Please make your suggestions known as soon as
> possible.
> There will be a fire Drill today at 12 noon (noon).
> Kind regards
> Giles
> Executive Account Executive (Level 4)
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Phil BA(Hons)
VP of Visioning Management and Corporate Resourcing
tel: +44 (0)20 7946 0372
mob(ile): +44 (0)7700 900837

"Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep  
moving. They make mistakes, but they don't quit." Conrad Hilton

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