[Everyone] Re: Maintenance announcement - URGENT

Paul
Wed Jul 22 14:28:24 GMT 2009


No problem Cat,

My Toodledo todo list has ranked the job for Friday at 4.40pm, after what will be a two day overdue, low priority tidy of my desk. I love Toodledo!

Paul E Oahasd

 

 

 

From:   On Behalf Of Cat
Sent: 22 July 2009 13:55
To: Everyone in the office
Subject: [Everyone] Re: Maintenance announcement - URGENT

 

Those sound perfect Paul - could you reach into Pete Doherty's drawers and pull the totties out for me? If you could slide them down Lindsay Lohan to us that would be great.  

 

And does anyone know where power cleaning services put the bio-hazard cleanup bins, shovels and bags after Phil's last party? We've got a fair amount of unidentifiable, emulsified waste product down here to clean up which the James can't suck up.

 

Thanks,

 

Cat

 

All about maintaining appearances

 

  _____  

From: Paul 
To: Everyone in the office 
Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 1:45:59 PM
Subject: [Everyone] Re: Maintenance announcement - URGENT

Cat,

There are those boxes of reject “I’m disabled Today” t shirts which were printed “I’m disabled Totty”. You are welcome to them all. I think they were shoved to the back of the private draws of Pete Doherty.

Paul E Oahasd

 

From:   On Behalf Of Cat
Sent: 22 July 2009 12:53
To: Everyone in the office
Subject: [Everyone] Maintenance announcement - URGENT

 

Please be aware that the maintaining appearances department will be unavailable to respond to non-urgent and unnecessary call-outs until further notification. This is due to a hazardous materials/bio-hazard incident in the basement. 

 

Please be reassured that the maintaining appearances department are fully in control of the hazardous incident and that the fumes currently infiltrating through the infiltration system are not toxic. However, as a precaution, Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty have been closed, the air conditioning systems have been shut down and the sprinklers have been switched on in Keith Richards (Paul - do you have any spare disablement day t-shirts as we have a few damp smokers?)

 

All staff will be required to enter and leave the building via the decontamination pod tubing now being rolled out from the kitchen annexe - chef asks that no one pick at the tiramisu or the prawn cocktails as they are for Lothar's engagement party tonight. 

 

Please note that anyone with swine flu should not leave the building through the decontamination unit or any other orifice.

 

Pavlov and Ernst will be round to open the windows just as soon as we have found the keys and placed nojump netting beneath the windows on all floors above first.

 

Thanks,

Cat

 

Supreme leader, Maintaining Appearances.

 

 


 

 

  _____  

From: Giles 
To: Everyone in the office 
Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 12:42:48 PM
Subject: [Everyone] Re: Official smiley policy

Sadly the sandwich trolley service is reduced today, as Doreen has
been diagnosed with Spine Flow and consigned to the Hazardous
Chemicals area in the basement (she was too far from a Zone Of Passage
at the time to make it to the Quarantine Zone without infecting
others).

We are assured by the company Insurance Company that the sandwiches
themselves are not infected, but would like to remind staff that
eating possibly-or-possibly-not infected sandwiches is undertaken at
individuals' own risk.

There are still quite a lot of egg mayo left. Cokes are not chilled
today, unfortunately.

Kind regards

Giles
Executive Accounts Executive (Level 4)

2009/7/22 Paul :
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This email and any attachments to it may be confidential and are intended solely for the use of the individual to whom it is addressed. Any views or opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of Pretend Office.
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