[Everyone] Re: Maintenance announcement - URGENT

Paul
Wed Jul 22 12:45:59 GMT 2009


Cat,

There are those boxes of reject "I'm disabled Today" t shirts which were
printed "I'm disabled Totty". You are welcome to them all. I think they were
shoved to the back of the private draws of Pete Doherty.

Paul E Oahasd

 

From: 
 On Behalf Of Cat
Sent: 22 July 2009 12:53
To: Everyone in the office
Subject: [Everyone] Maintenance announcement - URGENT

 

Please be aware that the maintaining appearances department will be
unavailable to respond to non-urgent and unnecessary call-outs until further
notification. This is due to a hazardous materials/bio-hazard incident in
the basement. 

 

Please be reassured that the maintaining appearances department are fully in
control of the hazardous incident and that the fumes currently infiltrating
through the infiltration system are not toxic. However, as a precaution, Amy
Winehouse and Pete Doherty have been closed, the air conditioning systems
have been shut down and the sprinklers have been switched on in Keith
Richards (Paul - do you have any spare disablement day t-shirts as we have a
few damp smokers?)

 

All staff will be required to enter and leave the building via the
decontamination pod tubing now being rolled out from the kitchen annexe -
chef asks that no one pick at the tiramisu or the prawn cocktails as they
are for Lothar's engagement party tonight. 

 

Please note that anyone with swine flu should not leave the building through
the decontamination unit or any other orifice.

 

Pavlov and Ernst will be round to open the windows just as soon as we have
found the keys and placed nojump netting beneath the windows on all floors
above first.

 

Thanks,

Cat

 

Supreme leader, Maintaining Appearances.

 

 


 

 

  _____  

From: Giles 
To: Everyone in the office 
Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 12:42:48 PM
Subject: [Everyone] Re: Official smiley policy

Sadly the sandwich trolley service is reduced today, as Doreen has
been diagnosed with Spine Flow and consigned to the Hazardous
Chemicals area in the basement (she was too far from a Zone Of Passage
at the time to make it to the Quarantine Zone without infecting
others).

We are assured by the company Insurance Company that the sandwiches
themselves are not infected, but would like to remind staff that
eating possibly-or-possibly-not infected sandwiches is undertaken at
individuals' own risk.

There are still quite a lot of egg mayo left. Cokes are not chilled
today, unfortunately.

Kind regards

Giles
Executive Accounts Executive (Level 4)

2009/7/22 Paul :
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This email and any attachments to it may be confidential and are intended
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