[Everyone] Bomb scare

[Cat]

Dear All,

You may have received an emergency text from pretend office last night - yes there was a bomb scare but you'll all be glad to know that the suspect bag was diffused and exploded by the bombing squad so we're all safe now. Unfortunately there has been some collateral damage in the nap room. In my new role as head of maintenance, I have taken the executive level decision to send Bosphorus and Kojak from my department out to buy a new bed this morning. Does anyone have any objections to a water bed? Bos reckons he can get a great deal from a friend of his down in Clapton.

We have also decided to paint the room a lovely lavender as we have found some 'white with a touch of Lavender Lilt' left over from the last time Phil redecorated his office - it should hide the scorch marks and come up a right treat.

Please refrain from having any naps today - my team and I are working as fast as we can to restore your nap facilities to you in good order.

Ta,
Cat

Executive head of maintaining appearances


________________________________
From: Phil 
To: Everyone in the office 
Sent: Thursday, June 18, 2009 8:50:56 AM
Subject: [Everyone] Re: IMPORNANT: Nap room rules

Hi all,

I left a bag under the bed in the Nap Room but it appears to have disappeared. It's a small black one. Has anyone moved it?

Thankyou.


On 17 Jun, 2009, at 17:42, Giles wrote:

> Fellow Action-Advocates
> 
> There has been some confusion regarding proper and improper use of the
> Nap Room. Please remember the following rules when using the Nap Room:
> 
> 1. The Nap Room is for short naps during the working day ONLY. Longer
> sleeps are not permitted. Overnight stays are strictly not permitted.
> 
> 2. The Nap Room is only to be used by ONE PERSON AT A TIME. It is out
> of bounds for all groups of two or more persons.
> 
> 3. Nap Room bedding is to be kept clean.
> 
> 4. Do not masturbate in the Nap Room. (See point 3)
> 
> 5. Remember to lock the Nap Room door behind you when you enter the
> Nap Room. Management cannot be held responsible for people finding you
> semi-naked in the Nap Room, taking a photo of you, and posting it on
> Facebook, if you have forgotten to lock the door behind you.
> 
> 5. Naps must be booked in advance by filling out your details on the
> Nap Room allocation rota spreadsheet, which is maintained by Louise on
> reception. If your chosen Nap Time slot is already taken, it is not
> appropriate to offer bribes to Louise to make her move someone out of
> their slot so that you can have your nap then. Naps are first-come
> first-served ONLY.
> 
> 6. Level 8-4 staff are entitled to one (1) 10 minute nap for every
> 37.5 hours worked. Level 3-1 staff are entitled to one (1) 20 minute
> nap per full working day in the office (where full working day means
> 8am start, 6pm finish, 30 minute lunch break and no cigarette breaks).
> Naps may be claimed only after completely the required hours and
> getting your timesheet signed by your Floor Caption, Desk Sergeant, or
> a Level 2 or above member of the management team (except on
> Wednesdays, when naps can be signed off by Level 3 or above members of
> the management team).
> 
> Thank you for carefully following these guidelines and rules about the Nap Room.
> 
> 
> Kind regards
> 
> Giles
> Executive Account Executive (Level 4)
> _______________________________________________
> Everyone mailing list
> 
> http://www.pretendoffice.co.uk/
> 
> --
> This email and any attachments to it may be confidential and are intended solely for the use of the individual to whom it is addressed. Any views or opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of Pretend Office.
> If you are not the intended recipient of this email, you must neither take any action based upon its contents, nor copy or show it to anyone.
> Please contact the sender if you believe you have received this email in error.



--Phil BA(Hons)
VP of Visioning Management and Corporate Resourcing
http//:www.pretendoffice.co.uk
tel: +44 (0)20 7946 0372
mob(ile): +44 (0)7700 900837

"Only those who are asleep make no mistakes." Ingvar Kamprad

_______________________________________________
Everyone mailing list

http://www.pretendoffice.co.uk/

--
This email and any attachments to it may be confidential and are intended solely for the use of the individual to whom it is addressed. Any views or opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of Pretend Office.
If you are not the intended recipient of this email, you must neither take any action based upon its contents, nor copy or show it to anyone.
Please contact the sender if you believe you have received this email in error.



      
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