[Everyone] Maintenance announcement - URGENT

[Cat]

Please be aware that the maintaining appearances department will be unavailable to respond to non-urgent and unnecessary call-outs until further notification. This is due to a hazardous materials/bio-hazard incident in the basement. 

Please be reassured that the maintaining appearances department are fully in control of the hazardous incident and that the fumes currently infiltrating through the infiltration system are not toxic. However, as a precaution, Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty have been closed, the air conditioning systems have been shut down and the sprinklers have been switched on in Keith Richards (Paul - do you have any spare disablement day t-shirts as we have a few damp smokers?)

All staff will be required to enter and leave the building via the decontamination pod tubing now being rolled out from the kitchen annexe - chef asks that no one pick at the tiramisu or the prawn cocktails as they are for Lothar's engagement party tonight. 

Please note that anyone with swine flu should not leave the building through the decontamination unit or any other orifice.

Pavlov and Ernst will be round to open the windows just as soon as we have found the keys and placed nojump netting beneath the windows on all floors above first.

Thanks,
Cat

Supreme leader, Maintaining Appearances.



 



________________________________
From: Giles 
To: Everyone in the office 
Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 12:42:48 PM
Subject: [Everyone] Re: Official smiley policy

Sadly the sandwich trolley service is reduced today, as Doreen has
been diagnosed with Spine Flow and consigned to the Hazardous
Chemicals area in the basement (she was too far from a Zone Of Passage
at the time to make it to the Quarantine Zone without infecting
others).

We are assured by the company Insurance Company that the sandwiches
themselves are not infected, but would like to remind staff that
eating possibly-or-possibly-not infected sandwiches is undertaken at
individuals' own risk.

There are still quite a lot of egg mayo left. Cokes are not chilled
today, unfortunately.

Kind regards

Giles
Executive Accounts Executive (Level 4)

2009/7/22 Paul :
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